I know it sounds like I have a lot of crazy neighbors. Actually, I have just a few, but they’re active.
One of them, though he swears it ain’t so, is back on drugs. There’s the weird look in his eyes, the mysterious and oddly placed sores on his body, his rapid yet illogical speech pattern, and……his eyebrows.
This picture of Kim Jong Un comes closest to demonstrating what my neighbor’s done. Only….more in the middle, less in the inner corner. Basically, he has about 3/4 of an inch in the center of where a regular brow usually lives. He looks like a man who is usually in drag, on an unaccustomed non-drag day. Like the subject of a Diane Arbus photo.
“What have you done?” I asked, the first time I saw his new look.
“I feel great,” he said, taking a swing from a massive bottle of Gatorade (the creepy poisonous blue flavor). He was, as always, shirtless and chubby. Sweating. There were large, fresh scabs around his bellybutton. “Hey, what are you doing Saturday night?”
Jesus Christ, I thought. “Staying home,” I said. This may not be strictly true.
“Okay,” he answered. “Don’t say I never asked you.”
Yes, I could be his mother.
Yes, I am horrified by his self-abuse.
Yes, I wonder if his natural brows will in fact grow back.